Disability Conference

Desiring God held a conference in November and it's focus was to minister to the disabled and their care givers. Though I'm relatively new in this world 2.5 years to be exact, my interest was pricked and honestly I really wanted to go.  But that just wasn't practical as Mike and I attended a different conference just days prior to this one. So I've settled for the next best thing and have been enjoying all the teaching online as I fold cloths and do dishes and cook dinner.  I've only had the pleasure of listening to 3 so far, but if you or someone you love could be blessed by such a resources, I commend it  to you/them.

2012 Works of God conference

Additionally a friend sent me this song for encouragement, and it is really great, you might enjoy it too.

Matt Redman- Never Once

Book Recomendation

"A praying life" by Paul Miller
A good friend pursued me, and recommended that we read this book together.  At the time, I was so dry spiritually that I had no idea how much it would affect me, and confront my sin and restore to me a right view of my savior that had been distorted gradually by my life circumstances.  But it has done just that, and has been a breath of fresh air.  At the time, I found myself floundering a bit; when she recommended it to me I thought, " I guess a book on prayer would be just as helpful as anything else at this point?", not really knowing what my need was, but realizing I certainly had one.  So in short God has used this book to revive places in my heart that had grown cynical and hard, and restored me to himself as my loving father.  Much like the prodigal son upon his return home.

Women's Conference

I was blessed to be able to attend the 2012 Gospel Coalition Women's Conference in Orlando, FL last weekend.  It was certainly a refreshment for my soul. Though it was packed with so much good teaching I felt as if I were drinking from a fire hose.  I think they said if we had attended every session possible through the weekend there would have been 19 in all.  I think I missed 4?

I've really been struggling in my faith the last few months. I am certain it was magnified by early pregnancy hormones, which made many things difficult for me to decipher.  I often felt myself feeling overwhelmed in my life and circumstances.  And the thought that the Lord had seen fit to add another child to an already overwhelming life seemed nearly more than I could bear.  Thinking though the logistics of being married to a man with long work hours, and minimal hours at home for meals let alone help of any kind.  Thinking of grocery store trips with 4 children, and the possibility of two of them not being able to walk, at a minimum not walk well enough to zoom through the store at the rate I often do. I thought of the fact that though I have not had an uninterrupted night of rest in over 2 years, my 24 hour schedule was going to be filling up even more with another little one in the house..... but how tired I already am.  I sometimes get the "I don't know how you do it?" question from those close to me that know the fullness of the schedule we keep.  For that matter, I often get if from others as well that only know a fraction of it, and think to myself 'if you only knew'.  The answer to that question is of course, the Lord is sustaining me and giving me grace one step at a time. But I often thought in agreement with their thinking in those times,...... 'I'm not really sure how i'm doing it?'.  I've had some days where I was overcome with sadness and tears as I dealt with fear and doubt in my heart.  I began to think that the rest of my life would only be filled with an unmanageable work load, hard circumstances and sorrow.  I've been battling depression I think.  I was unable to see the good in anything, and felt the preverbal dark cloud over me all day and night.

When Mike and I went to Colorado I of course took my sin with me, it does after all dwell with in my heart.  I also took a book with me called "Surrender", knowing that my thoughts and heart were not joyfully accepting the circumstances God had willed in my life.  The book walked me through something I did not anticipate.  The surrender of sleep.....  I always thought of sleep as a basic human need, and in some ways it is, but if God is calling me to a life that does not abundantly supply me with this "need" then I should surrender it knowing that He provides for ALL my needs.

At the conference last weekend, God lovingly reminded me more about Himself and His ability to redeem.  I did not doubt His ability to redeem lost souls, after all He has been gracious to me in this. The redemption I was doubting was His ability to redeem circumstances..... my circumstances.  It is true that the rest of my life may look very much like it does presently and the only redemption I may have to gaze upon is in eternity?  But it is possible that the Lord may have some blessing for me in this life, that my present circumstances could be redeemed for good.  As we looked at different faucets of God and His ability to redeem through different attributes of His character He did a redeeming work in my heart.  He softened my hard heart and increased my faith that I certainly have a hope in heaven, but not all hope here on earth is to be lost either.  He is my redeemer.

Disability

If you've ever wondered why a good and gracious God would create people with disability I commend these resources to you.

1. A Book entitled "Just the way I am"

2. An online sermon entitled "Born blind for the Glory of God". by John Piper

Both are excellent resources and speak to the heart of the matter.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

I've had such fun celebrating advent with the children this year. It has really been refreshing to anticipate the birth of Christ in this way.

I've been thinking how amazing it is that God's people were waiting for their savior all that time and then................... HE CAME!!!! What a blessing to be alive after the coming of our Load and Savior. I'm so thankful!

On another note; these are festive I thought.

The children decorating.

Hosea's handy work.

The final touch.

We call this our redemption man tree.

A good word

Quote from Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss.

If only my attitude matched this daily.

"Here's a sweet fragrant mouth to kiss. Here are 2 more feet to make music with there pattering about my nursery. Here's a soul to train for God, and the body in which it dwells is worthy of all it will cost, since it is the abode of a kingly tenet. I may see less of friends, but I have gained one dearer of all of them. To whom while I minister in Christ name I make a willing sacrifice of that little leisure for my own recreation my other darlings have left me. Yes my precious baby you are welcome to your mothers heart, welcome to her time, her strength, her health, her tenderest cares, to her life long prayer. O how rich I am, how truly blessed."

Fear... Worry ... and the like.

It's time to be real, honest and vulnerable.... In story form, my best way of communicating.. So read on about fear grace and redemption in my own life.

It all started a few years ago, I suppose it started long before that, but for this narrative we'll say a few years ago. We were praying for a woman who had lost an infant to SIDS... How terrible i would think, my heart ached for her. We were not just praying for her peace and comfort, but this women was struggling in her faith. Tempted to fall away from Christ not understanding how such a dreadful thing could have happened to her baby? In my heart I fully understood her struggle, it doesn't mean it's right, but I could relate with her. I had prideful thoughts like "if God ever messed with my babies I don't know if I could pull through in my own faith". After all my children were so dear to me. I loved them so much it ached to empathize with this situation. And that was the root of my fear... "Lord if something terrible, unusual or painful happened to MY children....would you keep me, would I still be yours?"

When I became pregnant with Aggie all was normal at first, a couple moves, a late working husband, nothing too outstanding. Pressing on. But as my pregnancy progressed I became aware of something different, it wasn't fear.... God's spirit prompted me to pray for Aggie, ...... for her healing........ even then in my womb... When we chose her name Aggie Rae, I knew something was going to be different about her. I would plead with God to remove this burden from me at times. When Aggie was born, and all seemed to be so "normal" with her I was almost surprised. She nursed well, did other normal newborn things and we headed home from the hospital in a timely manner. It wasn't until she was a few months old and not meeting developmental milestones that all my thoughts and struggles came flooding back. I would sit in her room nursing her, praying yet again for God's healing touch in her body. One night I specifically remember prior to any diagnosis, knowing something was wrong in her head... I pleaded fervently for the Lord to repair any damage.... essentially asking Him to remove this "cup" from me. In 1 Pe 5:6-11 Gods word told me what to do, humble myself and cast my anxieties on Him, who cares for me. And so my casting begun. I had to say "ok Lord I lay her at your feet to care for, she is yours, she was a gift to me to watch over for a short time here on earth, but she belongs to you, and I know you, her creator, will take good care of her." A few months after that Aggies brain damage was confirmed via MRI, about a month prior her hearing loss was also confirmed. Once we had all this medical information I found myself wondering.... what does this mean for her life. I was longing for a list of things she will and will not be able to do. But no such thing exists, and no Dr. wants to give it a shot. Because the truth is everyone's body responds differently to these situations. As I grappled with the unknown being given to fear and disappointed hopes for my little one, I found myself again crying out to my God and laying her at His feet for His great care. This past week has been another reflection of that sin lurking in my heart, the worry and fear is truly my pride saying, God I can handle this situation better than you. I need to figure this out and make it happen the right way. I care about my circumstances more than you do.... My attitude of worry communicated these things to the creator of the universe, my creator, Aggies creator. I was thinking how long do we need this feeding tube? What if she needs it the rest of her life? Will she ever eat normally again? Lord I do not want this for her! I had to repent of my sinful worry, knowing that God knows best and that "after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." 1Pe 5:10-11 Aggie may never overcome her physical limitations here on earth, that's why our eternal soul is such a treasure. Our life here is "for a little while" it is "a vapor", but the life to come is eternal, never ending..... That is where our hope for Aggie is, that's where my hope is, it is in heaven with Christ my redeemer and savior. Many people have said things like " I don't know how you are doing as good as you are?" Or some question the goodness of God when they see hard circumstances. But the truth is when God created man in the garden all was perfect and right, no disease, no sickness, no sin. Until "the fall of man" when Adam and Eve disobeyed God sin came into the world and our punishment of death accompanied by sickness and famine. This is why Aggie was born the way she was, she was born into a fallen world, not Eden. Psalm 139 says clearly that " God formed Aggies inward parts, and knitted her together in my womb. She is wonderfully made." God knew what He was doing when He created Aggie and placed her in our home. He is sovereign over all things. But it doesn't end here. God made a way out of this fallen, sinful world. If we place our faith in Christ by the help of His spirit we can overcome death through Christ and live eternally in heaven with Him. And this is "how I've been doing it". Instead of falling away from my faith (which was my biggest fear), my faith has been strengthened as my savior Christ has given me faith when I had none. He has been my sufficiency when I am lacking. And holds me up when I am falling... HE has kept me! I am HIS.

More on that

Ok, so I read Kevin De Young's' blog posts on friendship and it was a little bit of a search to find them all, so I'll create links to each one for your reading pleasure. They are each only a couple paragraphs.

On a side note, I so enjoy a good friendship! It is a mere reflection of relational intimacy we are privileged to have with Christ. I pray that I may grow in it.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Enjoy!

Friendship

I've been enjoying thinking about what God has for us ladies in our friendships, this weekend I was checking the "Girl Talk" blog and their July 6th entry was on friendship. Girl Talk on Friendship I'm eagerly anticipating Kevin De Young's series on friendship to be completed, his link is the first one the blog entry recommends. The other entries were good also. Check it out.

Faith

"What God declares the believing heart confesses without the need of further proof. Indeed, to seek proof is to admit doubt, and to obtain proof is to render faith superfluous. Everyone who possesses the gift of faith will recognize the wisdom of those daring words of one of the early Church fathers: 'I believe that Christ died for me because it is incredible; I believe that He rose from the dead because it is impossible.'" A.W. Tozer

The true vine

"Every branch of mine that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me." John 15:2-4

This week has been a little tough. It has been of my own doing really. But the 2 weeks prior were so sweet and filled with grace, that a mere reflection of the two makes the difference very clear. "A branch cannot bear fruit by itself". And thus pruning was needed.

I'm so thankful for my pruning, and am hopeful some day, not so far away, I will bear fruit once again. As His word says this is the very reason for the pruning.

And so........... I abide.

Radical

If you haven't read or listened to the book "Radical: taking back your Faith from the American Dream" by. David Platt you should. It is so challenging and convicting, but soo good! I'm excited about it!

The Story

The Story.

Be Encouraged

My sweet friend shared this song with me, "Forever Reign", by Kristian Stanfill. It truly touched my heart. Check it out. Thanks friend!

A Quote from "Becoming God's True Woman"

"As women, we are created to be life bearers. Our bodies have been designed with the ability to mother-to receive, carry and bear young. In fact, our bodies prepare themselves repeatedly to conceive and bear young. We express our femininity by gratefully embracing every stage of childbearing, receiving and nurturing each child as a gracious gift from God." -Carolyn Mahaney

Striving...

Mike allowed me some time away yesterday afternoon for my "retreat", application of a book study I am doing with a small group of women in our church. It was a sweet time of focusing on the Lord, and a little shopping too. :) Something I read really encouraged me. I want to share
First i was convicted of my sin by the beginning of the Ps that we were to look at from our "homework assignment".
"Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. " Ps 127:1
I had been laboring in vain this past week, striving to love my husband and children and care for my home in my own strength. I of course desired to repent of the sin in my heart.
Then i read this.......
"When i sin, God feels no wrath in His heart against me. His his heart is filled with nothing but love for me, and He longs for me to repent and confess my sins to Him, so that He might show me the gracious and forgiving love that has been in His heart all along. God does not require my confession before He desires to forgive me. In His heart he already has forgiven me; and when i come to Him to confess my sins to Him, He runs to me ( as it were) and is repeatedly embracing and kissing me even before I get the words of my confession out of my mouth! God does see my sins, and He is grieved by my sins. His grief comes partly from the fact that in my moments of sin, I am not receiving the fullness of His love for me. He even sends chastisement into my life; but He does so because He is for me, and he loves me; and he disciplines me for my ultimate good. I don't deserve any of this, even on my best day; but this is my salvation, and herein I stand. Thank you, Jesus"
~From " A Gospel Primer for Christians" by Milton Vincent
There are scripture references for all these statements in the book, so awesome!
I praise God for all the fantastic resources He has given to us, and that he continually uses them to draw me back to Himself.

"MY" Day!!??

Yesterday was hard for me. I struggled with sin all day, the sin of not accepting Gods sovereign plan for my day. The day was intended to be a packing day for us, and in part it was that,(mostly on mikes account) but it was also other things. I had made arrangement to take the children to a darling families home in our church for the morning to capitalize on packing efforts. The Lord had other plans, as you saw we had snow and decided for safety reasons it would be best not to venture out in it. As the morning progressed Shiloh seemed to be developing a new "issue/illness". Since we had just healed from our ear infection/stomach virus/hive week this was really defeating for me. She would cry and say "my tummy hurts" no symptoms other than an occasional cough that had been lingering for a couple weeks. But the "my tummy hurts" complaint with the crying( which indicated that she was actually uncomfortable), looked a lot like the onset of pneumonia we had in December. After waiting and watching for a couple hours with no improvement we decided we should head back to the Dr. the only other place the kids and I have been this week besides home. So Shiloh and I loaded up despite the snow. And to make a long story short she has "viral induced asthma", she needed nebulizer treatments. And was sent home with an inhaler to be used every 4 hours. The Dr. seemed hopeful that this is temporary, and that her little lungs should settle down in time, but didn't promise anything. We are to return before we head to FL "if she's not perfect", the Dr. said. So here I sit sinfully thinking I should be packing as my sick daughter can't breath and wants her mommy to hold her. The lord convicted me of my sin and was kind to show it to me. The sin is always in me, but the circumstances bring it forth. Had the day gone as I had intended, I would not have had the opportunity to repent. A sweet sister in Christ with more years of life experience sent me this paraphrase verse for encouragement, and it has been just that. So naturally I wanted to share it with anyone else who might be encouraged by it.
Isaiah 43: 1-3
Fear not for I have redeemed you. I have called you by your name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters (trials)
I will be with you and through the rivers ( continuous trials) they shall not overflow you ( not more than you can bare).
When you walk through the fire (sever trials) you shall not be burned ( God's protection to us) nor shall the fame scorch
you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy one of Israel ( His people), your God.