" The cone of shame"

If you aren't familiar with the movie "UP" that is where the quote is from. It has been my struggle to keep the "cone" off. This is all regarding Aggie. She had another weight check last week. I've been reluctant to share b/c I've been struggling with it myself, and hold to "if you don't have anything good to say, don't say it", though I fail at that sometimes. It altogether isn't horrible news, but it isn't the best either. God has been so faithful to lavish His grace on me by reveling sin of worry, anger and pride in my heart. And He wants me to know that He is in control, not me. Which is a far better arrangement. I have had to "cast my cares upon Him" and find peace that "He cares for me". I surrender Aggie to His care, her creator, who knows her every need.

So Aggie had poor weight gain, she is now 11lbs., which means she gained 2oz. in 3 weeks. I am greatful for the gain. The Practitioner finally put her on the "premie" growth chart, instead of the normal one, which Aggie fell off of 2 months ago. She is 2% on the adjusted chart. I suppose the reason for my uneasiness on this topic is that Aggie's practitioner, tells me these things, and expresses her discontent with them, but has little help or advice in how to correct the problem. Aggie is still nursing and eating rice cereal mixed with formula. I've started giving the cereal twice a day, and just to see, i've been offering a bottle after I nurse her, but she really seems full, and doesn't take much at all.

The other topic of concern is that we recently noticed that Aggie's pupils are different sizes. I looked back in pictures and it has been this way at least since September. The good news is that both react to light equally. So we now have more referrals. She will see a Neurologist and have a Pediatric Developmental Evaluation. As it has been going, it takes about a month for the referral to go through and the appointment to be made, if it all gets put in "the system" correctly. And then once an appointment is made, it usually is about a month wait. So I'm not anticipating knowing much for awhile. This trade-mark of the system has been a very active part in my sanctification. It has reveled my impatience, lack of trust and worst of all unbelief.

I say all this so you know that my imperfect heart has failed time and time again to please my Lord as we learn of new news and potential problems Aggie may have. But the good news of it all is this, He waits with His arms open wide for His daughter to come back to Him. He has been holding me up, taking my steps in the midst of my frailty. The great news is........ God is pleased........He is pleased with His son Christ, whom I hide in. I thank Him soo for that!