Sweet red pepper and gouda soup

• We love this! Probably our favorite, and with Fall upon us it's perfect. I serve it with the Rosemary Bread I posted a while back, I love to dip it. You girls make some mean bread, so I'm sure your loaf of choice will be just as yummy. I also usually double the recipe so are little family can get 2 plus meals out of it. Mike and I eat at least two hardy bowls full per meal. Enjoy!
• Sweet red pepper and gouda soup
• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 4 red bell peppers, chopped
• 1 onion, chopped
• 4 garlic cloves, minced
• 24 fluid ounces chicken broth
• 1/2 cup heavy cream
• 1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 2 cups shredded gouda cheese

Directions:

1. 1
   Melt the butter in a large saucepan over medium heat.
2. 2
   Place the red bell pepper, onion and garlic in the saucepan and saute for 15 to 20 minutes OR until tender.
3. 3
   Pour in the chicken broth, stirring well.
4. 4
   Reduce heat to low and simmer for 30 minutes.
5. 5
   Transfer to a blender and puree until smooth. Do this in batches as necessary depending on the size of your blender. Be careful not to overfill your blender. I do a little less than half full. I did it to half one time and regretted it, the pressure from the heat plays in. I always put a kitchen towel over the blender just incase the lid isn't as secure as I think. I messed this step up twice. Both times it was messy, one time it was painful; hot liquid all over my arm.
6. 6
   Return the liquid to the saucepan over medium low heat.
7. 7
   Stir in the heavy cream, the ground black pepper and cheese, and allow to heat through about 5 to 10 minutes.

Read more: http://www.food.com/recipe/sweet-red-pepper-and-gouda-soup-436946#ixzz1c7jAAdCp

Fear... Worry ... and the like.

It's time to be real, honest and vulnerable.... In story form, my best way of communicating.. So read on about fear grace and redemption in my own life.

It all started a few years ago, I suppose it started long before that, but for this narrative we'll say a few years ago. We were praying for a woman who had lost an infant to SIDS... How terrible i would think, my heart ached for her. We were not just praying for her peace and comfort, but this women was struggling in her faith. Tempted to fall away from Christ not understanding how such a dreadful thing could have happened to her baby? In my heart I fully understood her struggle, it doesn't mean it's right, but I could relate with her. I had prideful thoughts like "if God ever messed with my babies I don't know if I could pull through in my own faith". After all my children were so dear to me. I loved them so much it ached to empathize with this situation. And that was the root of my fear... "Lord if something terrible, unusual or painful happened to MY children....would you keep me, would I still be yours?"

When I became pregnant with Aggie all was normal at first, a couple moves, a late working husband, nothing too outstanding. Pressing on. But as my pregnancy progressed I became aware of something different, it wasn't fear.... God's spirit prompted me to pray for Aggie, ...... for her healing........ even then in my womb... When we chose her name Aggie Rae, I knew something was going to be different about her. I would plead with God to remove this burden from me at times. When Aggie was born, and all seemed to be so "normal" with her I was almost surprised. She nursed well, did other normal newborn things and we headed home from the hospital in a timely manner. It wasn't until she was a few months old and not meeting developmental milestones that all my thoughts and struggles came flooding back. I would sit in her room nursing her, praying yet again for God's healing touch in her body. One night I specifically remember prior to any diagnosis, knowing something was wrong in her head... I pleaded fervently for the Lord to repair any damage.... essentially asking Him to remove this "cup" from me. In 1 Pe 5:6-11 Gods word told me what to do, humble myself and cast my anxieties on Him, who cares for me. And so my casting begun. I had to say "ok Lord I lay her at your feet to care for, she is yours, she was a gift to me to watch over for a short time here on earth, but she belongs to you, and I know you, her creator, will take good care of her." A few months after that Aggies brain damage was confirmed via MRI, about a month prior her hearing loss was also confirmed. Once we had all this medical information I found myself wondering.... what does this mean for her life. I was longing for a list of things she will and will not be able to do. But no such thing exists, and no Dr. wants to give it a shot. Because the truth is everyone's body responds differently to these situations. As I grappled with the unknown being given to fear and disappointed hopes for my little one, I found myself again crying out to my God and laying her at His feet for His great care. This past week has been another reflection of that sin lurking in my heart, the worry and fear is truly my pride saying, God I can handle this situation better than you. I need to figure this out and make it happen the right way. I care about my circumstances more than you do.... My attitude of worry communicated these things to the creator of the universe, my creator, Aggies creator. I was thinking how long do we need this feeding tube? What if she needs it the rest of her life? Will she ever eat normally again? Lord I do not want this for her! I had to repent of my sinful worry, knowing that God knows best and that "after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." 1Pe 5:10-11 Aggie may never overcome her physical limitations here on earth, that's why our eternal soul is such a treasure. Our life here is "for a little while" it is "a vapor", but the life to come is eternal, never ending..... That is where our hope for Aggie is, that's where my hope is, it is in heaven with Christ my redeemer and savior. Many people have said things like " I don't know how you are doing as good as you are?" Or some question the goodness of God when they see hard circumstances. But the truth is when God created man in the garden all was perfect and right, no disease, no sickness, no sin. Until "the fall of man" when Adam and Eve disobeyed God sin came into the world and our punishment of death accompanied by sickness and famine. This is why Aggie was born the way she was, she was born into a fallen world, not Eden. Psalm 139 says clearly that " God formed Aggies inward parts, and knitted her together in my womb. She is wonderfully made." God knew what He was doing when He created Aggie and placed her in our home. He is sovereign over all things. But it doesn't end here. God made a way out of this fallen, sinful world. If we place our faith in Christ by the help of His spirit we can overcome death through Christ and live eternally in heaven with Him. And this is "how I've been doing it". Instead of falling away from my faith (which was my biggest fear), my faith has been strengthened as my savior Christ has given me faith when I had none. He has been my sufficiency when I am lacking. And holds me up when I am falling... HE has kept me! I am HIS.

Souvenirs

Or maybe gifts..... perhaps handouts....? If we had paid... souvenir would fit. But we didn't.

This little jewel was a minimum of $500. Since we need it, I'm thankful to have it.

Miscellaneous suppilies, I need to organize and find places for our new booty. Replacements will be delivered to the house monthly.

This is the frequent flyer station. Though becoming less frequent than it once was. But still frequent enough to pack it in the diaper bag when leaving the house. I left without it one day, that was a mistake.

Here are the war wounds. This is right before her first bath.

I know I've mentioned Aggie not eating so well. This is still true, but instead of being sinful and worrying or fearful, I've laid it at the feet of the Lord and I trust in His care. For those of you that like specifics or are quantitative people here's the facts. Aggie needs, according to the hospital nutrition department, 22 ounces of 27 cal/oz formula every 24 hours. Our goal is to get her to take as much of that orally as possible. Now..... Aggie drinks formula still, but she much prefers food, can you blame her? So we count every 30 calories of food as an ounce, we round of course. This is difficult when I make her food, we guess as best we can..... Any who..... So today she took her top number of ounces in one day which was 13.5, still a far cry from 22, but closer than yesterday. The last few days she has managed to increase about an ounce a day. Then at night we set her pump to give her 7 ounces over a 10 hour period to make up for the losses. So if you are praying for specifics for our little Rae, this is an area that we hope to see the Lord work in.

Update

We are home, getting settled. My parents left Sunday, it was so nice to have them while they were here. I'm learning how to juggle our new feeding routine with my other responsibilities. We've started back to therapy this week. OT and speech yesterday, PT today. They of course are taking it easy on her, but it's good for her to get some things in. Aggie is still not eating well, but I am sure her tummy is still a bit sore, and probably swollen inside. Her temperament has been sweet as usual. God continues to grant us grace to do what we are called to. I've had some sweet friends bring us a meal or two. And Mike's squadron has also started a sign up list for a few meals. This is such a blessing to me! Very sweet!!!! And helpful to boot. I am finding myself feeling a bit tired toward the middle and end of the day, but I am thankful to be able to work hard through the day, and hit the pillow at the end. The hospital called me yesterday to "see how our stay was". I politely and vaguely recounted our pre-op experience, and noted a need for patient teaching upon discharge. There was a return call about 10 min. later wanting more details, someone new. I gave a as-mater-a-fact as possible answer, trying not to be sinful in my response. Today they called to let me know that the hospital has decided to buy another set of small laproscopic equipment so that in the future an infant will not be waiting 8 hours in pre op for the equipment they need for their procedure. So I am glad something good came of our less than ideal experience.

Home

We made it here!

I have work to do.

Adjusting to happen.

Kids to love.

Food to cook.

Chores to be done.

Good to be home.

New Trick

In our time in the hospital I taught Aggie to give five. We've been working on it for awhile, but she actually got! So cute! I'm thrilled!

4.5 in Pictures

She's feeling better.

Watching baby Einstein.

Mema and Papa visiting

Kids presenting cards. Shiloh said "it says come home Aggie". Hosea said "it is a picture of Aggie sad".

My parents have been here all week taking care of the big kids they have been a HUGE help! Thanks Mom and Dad!

Part 4.5

A little mid-day update. Aggie is off the "vent and rack", we will only vent her g-tube as needed now, even at home. Tonight they will try feeding her through her g-tube to see how she tolerates it, if all goes well we will head home tomorrow sometime. We've held her several times b/c the only thing she's attached to now is her IV. She's still not eating super well, but I guess that's the beauty of the g-tube. I did give her a bed bath today, she screamed. Good for her lungs. She's been watching some baby Einstein and enjoying it and I taught her to give a high-five, which was pretty exciting since she only has a couple tricks. It just encourages me that even though her brain is not "normal" it still works. And along those lines, she had a well check the day before her surgery and her head had grown much more than anticipated! Such a blessing!

Surgery Part 4

The last 24 hours..... let's see. We started yesterday off with feeding. She had a little bit of pedilyte, then a little of formula, then we tried some baby food. She had very small portions of each before she was tired of it. Her biggest meal was last night 1.5 oz of formula and 1/2 jar of baby food. This is what we will be working on today, just getting her tummy to handle more food. Her G-tube is ordered to "rack and vent" right now, which makes holding her very difficult. This morning it seemed like she was sick of lying in bed. Yesterday she sat in her bouncy seat for a while, but it basically holds her in the same position as the way she's in bed, which is for the "rack and vent" process. Last night I got a bit more sleep then the night prior, I think i was only up about 5 times, which allowed me to have a series of 2 hour naps in-between interruptions. Much better, but still finding myself sleepy this morning. When Mike arrives I'll go take a nap again at a friends house.

On other news the older children had a soccer game last night. I'm told that our Shiloh played goalie and actually stopped the ball 3 times. This is pretty amazing considering her very feminine nature, and the fact she basically danced around the field hugging all her female teammates up to this point. I can barely picture it happening.

Surgery Part 3

By the way, I'm loving the free WiFi at the hospital.... brilliant! We had a pretty eventful night, there was someone in here at least every hour. The morning sleepiness reminds me of how one feels after having a new born infant who doesn't eat well, minus the sore bottom of course. Aggie got morphine every 2 hours to keep her comfortable. I think today we will start cutting back on that a bit. She is also getting tylenol every 6 hrs. She elected to remover her own NG tube at about 3am, despite my efforts to prevent it with gloves and blankets. It was suppose to come out at 6am so thankfully they left it out. She had her first bottle of pediltye this morning, she took about 1/2 an ounce, and was done with it. I also got to hold her for the first time this morning, I read her a few books and cried. She seemed pretty uncomfortable so I put her back to bed and she fell quickly asleep. I've been very thankful for her temperament, God has been answering our prayers. We were told that when the sedation wore off she would be like a "bear". She did complain on and off between dozing, but definitely not bear like. She's been much more content since the NG was removed, it was gaging her quite a bit and she couldn't have any liquid in her mouth. She has had some moments this morning where she seems like her little self instead of giving the 10 yard stare, she gave me a good morning squeal with her horse little voice. Very sweet. She's not staying awake for very long, just about 5-10 min. at a time. I would prefer she sleep though as much of this yucky part as possible. A friend brought me coffee this morning, and Aggie smiled and waved hi to her, so precious! After Mike arrives today, I'm headed to a friends home who lives close by for a nap. God has been providing for all our our needs!

Surgery Part 2

Obviously we've been reunited with our little doll. As you can see, things aren't so fun for her right now. She has 3 small incisions on her tummy, plus the g-tube site. Then her left thigh has a wound from the muscle biopsy. She is pretty fussy on and off and taking little cat naps between nursing interruptions. She will have her vital signs taken every hour until midnight, then every 4 hrs after that. She is getting IV fluid for nutrition for now. She has a nasogastric (NG) tube in her nose to her tummy on suction to keep her tummy dry, which is suppose to help the healing process. Our main struggle right now is keeping her from pulling at the NG tube and IV, she insists that she is "ahh daaa" (all done). Can you blame her. I put a small glove on her one free hand, it was being the menace to the tubes. The other hand is secured very well to protect her IV. Tomorrow morning the NG will be removed and she will get a bottle of pedilyte, and we'll see how she tolerates that. Diet progression will depend upon it. Well I'm going to catch a 30min. nap before the nurse is back.

Surgery Part 1

Soo..... I'm in the waiting room, Aggie's in surgery currently. It's been a long time coming, on more than one account. Of course there was the cancel and reschedule, but this morning/afternoon was a bit of an adventure as well. Her surgery was scheduled for 830 with a 630 show time. Once we got a chance to speak with the surgeon, we learned that she was planning to do more surgery than we were previously informed of. She told us that Aggies gastric emptying scan showed that her tummy was not emptying at a normal rate and that she wanted to correct that as well. This would mean and "open" surgery opposed to a "laparoscopic" surgery. Which would be an incision from her sternum to her navel. It would also mean 4 days of no eating, and at least 5 days in the hospital. Quite a change from the 24 hr. minimum we were given. Naturally I started asking questions seeking to understand fully the plan. Thankfully the Lord answered our prayers asking for wisdom with the words " last I knew her gastric emptying scan was normal, this is all new information to me, how slow is it emptying?". This prompted the Dr. to request the report so we could go over it. To her surprise and my delight, Aggies gastric emptying scan was normal!! So this means back to the old plan. The only problem was that the hospital only had one set of laparoscopic equipment small enough and it was currently in use. This lead to a wait......... a 7 hr wait. Aggie last ate at midnight, thankfully I woke to feed her a bottle, her last meal if you will. God was so kind to answer our prayers as Aggie was sweet and peaceful most of the time. She did give us a few complaints, but considering she hadn't eaten for 14hrs. she was a gem. Our pastor and his wife came and waited with us during this time through lunch, it was a sweet time of fellowship. So God in His goodness has woven His grace though this day, which has been nothing I would have expected in a day, but with His intricate fingertips all over it.

Nerves

I'm a ball of them. Pray for me. Especially lift up Aggie Rae for her surgery tomorrow. This day has been full of........fullness. Aggie's "well check" this morning. On a positive note her head grew in circumference. She also has developed a healthy fear of medical staff, can you blame the poor girl after all her test and labs, this is sad for sure, but good b/c it is "developmental". Shiloh needed to see the Dr. this afternoon for a "tummy ache" that's been lasting a few weeks that is actually an ear infection..... craziness! My parents are coming tonight to help-out with the children for our time in the hospital, they have really gone out of their way to serve us, such a blessing. We have soccer practice tonight, that should be fun. Then I need to pack Aggie and I's overnight bag for our hospital adventure tomorrow, we need to arrive at 630 am for an 830 am surgery time. Ok...... I need to start dinner, roasted red pepper and gouda soup, yummmmm!

Field Trip

(See the airplane flying under)

One thing we've done while we've been visiting my brothers family is, I took the kids to see the Arch on Friday while the other kiddos where in school. It was a field trip day for us!

Here they are looking out of the top of the Arch.

Here is a little art on the lawn during our picnic, self-initiated by my smart kindergartner.

A little P.E. chasing butterflies.

Looking for purpose in the wrong place.